Today I had to unfollow a musician on Twitter because he tweeted that CM Punk is the greatest wrestler ever. Like, now and in the past and in the future.

And I can't follow you on Twitter if you're going to be so wrong about subjects that I care about so much.

Dearest CM Punk,
You are a twat. I will never forgive you for disrespecting HBK (bringing up his former drug abuse is just bad form) or for bad mouthing Triple H. You are a chump and my twelve year old sister could take you.

You're Welcome.

No news is good news, right?

Mel is in Canada for the summer, so I will probably be doing most of the updating of this blog (while also asking her questions such as "do they have grocery stores in Canada?", "what time is it there?", and "have you seen any yaks?"). I am still cranky about Christian losing his title to dumb Randy Orton. And if there have been any recent developments in this storyline, I wouldn't know because I am still boycotting Smackdown. Christian is so cute! How could they take the title away from him?! WHERE IS THE PEEP SHOW?!!?

The Miz is still annoying and dumb and I don't understand how on Earth he is still involved in any sort of title match. Alex Riley needs to get a real job. I'm hoping that they will finally end this whole Michael Cole/Jerry Lawler spectacle soon, now that the All-American Speech Impediment (Jack Swagger) has abandoned his job as Cole's back up. I am still waiting on The Undertaker and Triple H to come back and do something, anything, to make me happy about the WWE again. The one thing that I have been pleased with is seeing Kane and Big Show on RAW again. I love them both and I like it when they kick CM Punk's ass. It is simply not believable that CM Punk would get the drop on either of these men (even with creepy Batista look alike in tow), so I fast forward through those dumb parts and pretend they didn't happen.

I recently acquired a Macho Man Randy Savage action figure from the 80's. It is awesome and big enough to fight my Wolverine action figure, who was previously undefeated due to his large size and ability to growl. Seriously, he can growl and say badass Wolverine stuff.

I am probably going to start integrating TNA talk into this blog as well. I am the only one that watches TNA out of us, because I have the love for Chyna (I have not seen her porn, as others have, so I am not put off by that). There are pros and cons of TNA (recently renamed iMPACT!). Pros would be: Chyna returning to wrestling, Mick Foley, Ric Flair, and Mickie James. They all have prominent story lines and were some of my favorite WWE wrestlers that were let go/couldn't wrestle anymore for a variety of reasons. Cons: everything else. Their branding is horrible. They have a tag team named "Beer Money", which is essentially a rip off of Stone Cold Steve Austin's entire wrestling and real life persona. I despise Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff. But it is interesting to have some new themes and wrestlers to love and hate and feel 11 about again.

...

Sorry for the lack of updates. Mel and I have been busy. Mel with important school stuff, me with drinking and opening birthday presents. Life is tough, you know.

ANYWAY, I don't really have anything to say except that I am pissed off that the WWE took away Christian's title after FIVE DAYS to give it to douchebag Randy Orton. and I am protesting Smackdown because of it. Also, where is my beloved Triple H??

In other news, I started watching TNA because I heard they're bringing Chyna back! What!

Lastly, R Truth is dumb.

WWE DRAFTS ARE ALMOST BETTER THAN CHRISTMAS

I say almost because when things like John Cena AND Randy Orton getting drafted to Smackdown happen, I feel as glorious and excited as I am when I get to open my Christmas presents and one of them turns out to be an Indiana Jones hat (true story). HOWEVER, it is the complete opposite when John Cena gets drafted back to RAW at the end of the episode. Really, WWE? Must you tease me like this? It's like you're taking away my Indiana Jones moment!

Overall, the draft seemed really exciting at the time, but now I'm getting a little cranky about it. I was pleased that the Big Show and Rey Mysterio were drafted to RAW (I am itching to see a Rey Mysterio/Sin Cara battle take place - but now that won't happen because they drafted Sin Cara to Smackdown, which seems unfair. He looks so promising!), but was really bummed that Mark Henry was drafted to Smackdown instead of RAW. And I have no interest in Alberto Del Rio at all, much less dumb Jack Swagger. Seriously, someone is going to have to make sure he and Dolph Ziggler wear different colored shirts so that everyone can tell them apart (JUST KIDDING! Dolph got that weird haircut. Maybe they made him cut his hair in anticipation of bringing his doppelganger to RAW?!).

I am really upset that Kane and the Undertaker are still on Smackdown. ALL I WANT IS TO BRING THEM BACK TO RAW. If the Undertaker retires and he is still on Smackdown, I will never forgive you, Vince McMahon.

Also, BRING ME CHRISTIAN!!! I MISS THE PEEP SHOW.

I miss the belly button tattoo.

 

Dudes. When you Google Mason Ryan (don't judge me for Googling wrestlers! I'm a curious girl!), some of the automatic drop down option thingers are "Mason Ryan Batista", "Mason Ryan Batista's Brother", "Mason Ryan looks like Batista", and my personal favorite "is Mason Ryan really Batista?". This makes me laugh really hard, as I was just joking about that earlier. Mason Ryan is a creepy rip off of Batista, but he doesn't even have a weird belly button tattoo to make fun of. He's just all angry and large and creepy and has the psycho face. Seriously, I never thought I would fear for Randy Orton, but last night's RAW brought me to new levels of concern for oily Randy Orton's welfare. I mean, I think that gang ups are really obnoxious on either front (I even frowned upon them when Evolution took part in them), but Randy Orton looked like a sad sack of tattooed meat that had melted due to awkward weather conditions. And then all of New Nexus (new Nexus, old Nexus - in any form, all Nexus is Bad Nexus in my opinion) took on the creepy crazy face! New Batista, CM Punk! Jeez dudes. Jeez.

THIS POST IS RATED R.

Hi. I am back from vacation. It was awesome, in case you were wondering. It was still awesome even if you weren't wondering. Being in Atlanta for the RAW following Wrestlemania was epic on so many levels that I can't even explain it. You will just have to go and see if the puddle of pee is still underneath my seat from where I constantly wet my pants that night. Triple H, The Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin and a main event announcement for WM28 - yes please! The only bummer was that the Undertaker wasn't there and Michael Cole was. I wanted my friend Alexa to witness the Taker's intro - because it is the creepiest thing ever. Also, I want him to be OK. I was extremely relieved that Triple H didn't retire. Though he was noticeably absent from RAW last night and then EDGE retired! So, in the end, this still kind of sucks. I love Edge. I love Christian. I miss the Peep Show. I am getting off track.

Getting into the Philips Arena was an experience unto itself. Imagine trying to cram thousands of sweaty, over excited wrestling fans into four entrances of a building. Added to our trouble was the fact that we had to find the box office and the Philips Arena is the CNN building, so 78% of my attention was semi-devoted to spotting Anderson Cooper and trying to count how many WE HEART TED TURNER signs exist in the city of Atlanta itself (note: I am not hating, as I am a Braves fan. I just think it's mildly amusing how prominent he is in the city). I was annoyed when the Miz interrupted Stone Cold, as that is so rude. I was less than impressed with the Tough Enough crew (which, admittedly, I haven't had a chance to watch yet, so I'm still behind on whether or not they're actually worth anything). The usual chaos ensued when Michael Cole opened his mouth. The Rock was awesome. There was no dark match though, which was disappointing but understandable.

Last night's RAW was sort of a bummer. Edge retired and R Truth is somehow a number one contender? Plus John Cena get away from the Championship Belt for five minutes, jeez. It's nice that they're trying to bring somebody new into the mix, but neither John Morrison nor R Truth are really that entertaining. At least Dolph Ziggler has that hilarious haircut. The only real highlight for me (other than JR being on, Lawler pinning Jack Swagger - seriously! did you see his face? PRICELESS.) was the introduction of team APPLE. I was very happy to see Mark Henry, who always entertains me, and Santino! I hope that they make APPLE a main storyline. I could use some comedy in my wrestling life. The Rock probably won't be up in the wrestling grill anymore and neither will Stone Cold. Only time will tell about Triple H.

On the very sad note, I really love and appreciate Edge. As a wrestling fan, he was the best heel that a girl could ask for. He both enraged and excited me since I was a little girl, drooling over his strob light entrance, long hair, and tight pants. He will be sorely missed. And I'm going to watch my Edge DVDs tonight. and maybe cry into my beer a little. Cheers to the Rated R Superstar.

Wrestlemania Follow Up

Amber is on Vacation this week, and I am in Deadline City. So this will be very brief.

There were many tears when Triple H lost to The Undertaker. I was also worried when Taker didn't get back up.

To say we were relieved that Triple H did NOT retire would be the understatement of the century. I will stop referring to us as a unit now.

When Triple H inducted Shawn Michaels into the HOF, it was the best thing ever. Then when Shawn ended his speech with, "And if you're not down with that, suck it," my heart swelled with joy.

A more extensive and less dumb review will happen soon.

WM27 predictions/hopes/fears/beers

I am currently high on the buzz of finally purchasing my wrestling tickets for Monday Night RAW the night after Wrestlemania. I'm going to do my best not to read/hear anything that happens until I get there and find out IN PERSON. But, as we all know, I am impatient and will want to know everything as soon as it happens. Particularly where Triple H is concerned. But I digress. On to the WM27 lineup...

I agree with Mel on many of these matches. I want Edge to win (not only because I love him & Christian, but because Alberto Del Rio irritates the crap out of me. YOU CANNOT BE EDDIE GUERRERO, dude! ), I think Snooki needs to butt out of the WWE and wallow back to the Jersey Shore, Daniel Bryan vaguely peaks my interest (while Sheamus still creeps me out), obviously I want Kane and the Big Show to win - along with Santino! He makes me laugh and is generally a good sport.

I don't even need to comment on Triple H/Undertaker. I will be writing an entire post eventually dedicated to my love for Triple H. But that doesn't mean I don't love the Taker. He's my 4th favorite wrestler of all time. (Top Five: Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Stone Cold, The Undertaker, Ken Shamrock - who is one of the only UFC cross overs that I enjoy). Either way, this match will mean the end of an important era for Mel and I. I want Triple H to win because I don't want him to retire from wrestling, which is something that has been floating around the rumor mill since last June. But I don't want the Undertaker to leave, either. Rock, me, hard place.

As for the Miz and John Cena, I am relatively unimpressed with John Cena. I like that he is a good person in real life, and sometimes he is amusing as a character on RAW. But, overall, I find him to be overrated and over appreciated, while wrestlers that I feel are more deserving of WWE Championship title shots (Edge, Christian, Kane, Big Show, etc) go on with less important story lines. I get that Cena has a big draw because he appeals to many different demographics (good Lord, do the ladies love him), and he is attractive and can wrestle well. So I will cheer for him to win. However, it isn't because I like him as much as it's that I hate the Miz and hope his eyebrows fall off. I am going to get THIS AIN'T THE REAL WORLD tattooed on my forehead. Or on The Miz's forehead. I don't think the Miz deserves the title because he has rarely, if ever, accomplished anything in the ring by himself. He cheats, he lies, he says he's awesome when he isn't! At least Cena is an honest wrestler that can pull his own weight.

Randy Orton vs CM Punk... During the past few weeks, I have been delighted by this match up, because I can't stand either of these wrestlers, and I enjoy seeing either one of them get the crap kicked out of them. Randy Orton was tolerable when he was in Evolution, and that was only because he was rolling with my boys Triple H and Ric Flair (Batista, while sometimes interesting to watch, will never be my boy because of his Godsmack belly button tattoo). Since then, he has targeted pretty much every single wrestler that I love. He's a self important douchebag that thinks because he's a third generation wrestler, he is more deserving of title shots and main events than wrestlers who weren't born into the business and had to work their way to the top. Also, his tattoos are dumb and he applies too much oil before he comes out to wrestle. No one needs to be that oily and creepy, Randy. No one.

However, my disdain for CM Punk surpasses that of my disdain for Randy Orton (seriously, it's surprising, but true). CM Punk is a wrestler that I was sort of on the fence about for a long time. He wasn't really that apparent in my wrestling life, as he wasn't a major figure (or any figure) on RAW for a long time. Sure, he'd pop up every now and again (as Smackdown and ECW wrestlers tend to do), but overall he was off my radar. And then he became a nuisance. He is straight edge, he had the Jesus beard and hair that he refused to cut (seriously, if I have to endure another storyline about whether or not someone will cut their hair, I'MA SCREAM), and was just generally a pompous jerk that is disrespectful to anyone with a different lifestyle than him. And though he is from Chicago, and some may feel that I should have hometown pride - I don't. He has a Pepsi tattoo. HE CHALLENGED STONE COLD TO A FIGHT ON TWITTER. He told me to shut up once at a wrestling event (this was a high point in my wrestling fandom and a low point in his decision making life. Obviously once you engage a drunk wrestling fan, they never quit. Suck it, Punk!). I crack open a nice cold one every time Punk appears on my television screen in his douchebag honor. He is also a giant cheater that really can't do anything on his own. There have been other heel ringleaders that notoriously had their backup take care of their business, but they had earned their licks in the business. Punk has not proven to me that he can take care of himself. He has a smart mouth, a judgemental attitude, and a stupid finishing move. I hope Orton kicks that dumb beard off his face!

W27 Diary about Shawn Michaels!!! Oh yeah!

READ THIS! Love Shawn Michaels! Do it.

Wrestlemania 27 match by match

World Heavyweight Champion Match Edge v Alberto del Rio

I’m rooting for Edge. I like Edge a lot especially when he’s being douche. So I want Edge to win and be douchey about it. I was overcome with happiness when Edge and Christian appeared together on RAW this past Monday. It was the first time in 6 years! Basically, I want Edge to win and then come back to RAW bringing Christian with him. K, thanks.

WWE Champion The Miz vs John Cena

I hate The Miz. As stated previously, he is nawesome. NOT AWESOME. I am not a big John Cena fan, and certainly can’t be a fan of his homophobic statements in the past. That being said, at the last RAW event Amber and I attended there was this super cool 9 year old next to me. He called Snooki an Oompa Loompa and yelled at The Miz that St. Louis hates him. Well, this rad little dude was a John Cena fan. So I’m going to cheer for Cena in his honor.

But seriously, Cena, we CAN see you. Are you like part ostrich?!

The Undertaker vs Triple H

I will cry if this match really ends either one of their careers. My top 3 wrestlers are #1. Shawn Michaels and then I’ve considered Triple H and The Undertaker to tie for second. I mean Triple H is just freaking awesome, and The Undertaker is so good at just being scary. Plus, he’s like 7’ tall and could walk on the top rope! That’s badass. Let us not forget his casket matches. I mean if anyone builds you a casket that’s just freaky scary. Undertaker is so awesome.

My love for DX, originally started by HBK and HHH, has determined who I am cheering for in the end. Triple H has to win. It kills me that HBK had to retire from just this kind of match. Undertaker, as badass as you are, you cannot end the careers of both HBK and HHH. But please don’t retire if you lose. Please.

Finally, I believe all 3 of these men have a large amount of respect for each other. Triple H and Shawn Michaels are best friends. The Undertaker, Triple H, and HBK all said some really respectful stuff about each other last Monday. I want Shawn to stand by Triple H at Wrestlemania. I still believe he will. You should never run out of the ring and leave your best friend just standing there!!

Triple H. You’re my choice. I ordered the grey shirt you’ve worn the past couple weeks. I will probably wear it all Sunday and Monday assuming it gets here on time.

“You make the rules, and we will break them.” –DX. A good DX quote goes a long way.

Randy Orton vs CM Punk

During this match I want the ring to become a molten pit of lava. Except this lava is also super acidic and will melt the both of these guys into some unrecognizable goop. I really super dislike CM Punk and Randy Orton. RKO, you should NOT hear voices in your head. And why must you snort and drool and whatnot? That’s gross. It looks like you have a really bad respiratory infection. Also please please stop with that awful song about the voices. I refuse to make light of psychological disorders, and you clearly don’t have one. You’re just dumb. CM Punk, you need to wear more substantial bottoms. Your current choice makes me uncomfortable. Amber has some serious beef with you so I’m going to leave that to her. Just know I hate you.

John Morrison, Trish Stratus & Snooki vs Dolph Ziggler & Lay Cool

I am quite torn by this. I want good things for Trish Stratus, and don’t like Lay Cool. Sadly, Snooki needs to get away from my WWE. The WWE has a bad enough reputation without allowing Jersey Shore cast members on the show. Also, I’m mad that the Jersey Shore is going to Italy! Ugh, MTV do not expose the poor people of Italy to these greasy orange binge drinkers. That’s not the point of this blog, but I want Snooki to lose and get off wrestling. She doesn’t need to be on RAW any more than The Situation needs to be Comedy Central. But seriously, that was so bad that you have to see it. Google what that idiot said at the Donald Trump Roast. OK, so in conclusion, I won’t go as far as saying I want Lay Cool & Dolph Ziggler to win. I want to Trish to win, but I want Snooki to lose more. So many mixed feelings!

United States Champion Sheamus vs Daniel Bryan

I don’t have strong feelings about this match. Basically, Sheamus creeps me out so I’m going to cheer for Daniel Bryan. Although, if I were watching Wrestlemania I would use this match as a good time to get more snacks/beer.

Eight-Man Tag Team Match

Big Show, Kane, Vladimir Kozlov & Santino Marella have to win. Big Show and Kane!!! The other 2 aren’t bad either, but Kane and the Big Show!

Wrestlemania!!!

Hey jerks,

Just kidding. You're probably not all jerks. My name is Mel, and I am jerk. A lovable jerk.

Anyway, I've always wanted a blog. Most of my ideas have failed due to lack of effort on my part. I also generally lack events in my life worth blogging about. I mean I have interests for Pete's sake, but honestly there are people much better equipped to write about music, politics, and food. I approach music with a Awesome or Not Awesome stamp. My politics are best explained by Jon Stewart on The Daily Show. And I eat way too many Lean Pockets to ever really food blog. Now, the solution is apparent. I shall write about wrestling. I will try to write the majority of these posts from beneath my WWE comforter featuring Triple H (AWESOME!), The Undertaker (AWESOME!), and John Cena (Can't win 'em all. . .).

By tomorrow I hope to post my predictions, hopes, and fears regarding Wrestlemania 27. I'm still crying into my beers at night because I can't find a public place to watch it, and I can't afford to order the PPV by myself. Which brings me to another important point: UFC sucks. Stop showing this crap in bars, restaurants, public places with giant TVs. Stupid UFC! These places used to carry my beloved wrestling programs.

El Fin.

WRESTLEMANIA 27, BITCHES.

Everyone is very excited. I am mostly excited because STONE COLD IS COMING BACK AND I HOPE HE STUNS STUPID MICHAEL COLE AND THAT DUMBASS JACK SWAGGER (Honestly, Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler are sort of interchangeable in my opinion. It's just like one douche alert after another, except one follows Vickie around, while the other is being put in the spotlight because of Michael Cole. And I have to tell you... if your career's current highpoint is being partnered with Michael Cole, you need to re-evaluate your life and job. Srsly.) I will be in Atlanta for the blessed event, but not in attendance. I will be at RAW the following night, though, to see comments from the loser of the HHH/Undertaker epic face off. We will all be partying in honor of the introduction of Shawn Michaels into the WWE Hall of Fame. Mel and I will be particularly excited, because we will think of/comment on the five jerkoffs that sat in front of us at the last RAW we went to in St. Louis. They apparently hate Shawn Michaels. Also on their hate list: kittens, baby Jesus, and action figures.

I am moving off point. Anyway, we will be profiling our favorite matches and choosing sides. Obviously, I want Triple H to beat the Undertaker. Even though The Undertaker is my 3rd favorite wrestler of all time, my love for Triple H trumps my love for the streak. I'm also hoping The Miz tries to come out for some odd reason and gets pummeled by them both, leading to a giant hug between HHH and Taker, and perhaps some skipping off to a bar that I'm frequenting at that time. Shut up; a girl can dream.

Getting things started.

We (Amber and Mel) are gathered here today at this blog to convey our feelings about the WWE and the wrestling talent (and lack thereof) that it employs. We are highly qualified to discuss and complain about wrestling, as we have both been fans since we were young (I myself have been watching since I was eleven, much to my mother's dismay), have been to many live events, sported many wrestling t-shirts, purchased and re-watched hours upon hours of old wrestling videos, and have consumed an uncountable amount of beers between us. And one time CM Punk told me to shut up. I really love that story.

Anyway, Mel and I are notorious procrastinators, so it might take a bit for us to get up and running completely. But, complaining about and getting excited over wrestling are two things that we do best, along with being best friends, talking smack in bars and consuming awesome amounts of booze. Over the next few days, we will be getting our blog together so that we can keep track of how much we love DX (Triple H is my favorite wrestler, Shawn Michaels is Mel's - just so we've got that out of the way) and how much we wish The Miz would fall and injure his vocal chords so that he couldn't torture us anymore with his long winded speeches about how nawesome he is. Also, we should also state that we aren't fans of Randy Orton or CM Punk - which tends to put us in binds at WWE Events, as we are located in the middle of St. Louis and Chicago.

But, we don't care! If you kick our favorite wrestlers and their families in the head or you don't drink beer, you've lost your chance to be wrestlers that we truly love.